There are days when I come to my mid-day time with the Lord, and all I can do is lay on the couch and cry. It doesn't happen often, but a little more frequently these days. A couple days ago, was one of those days. In those times, I like to imagine that I'm laying in the Father's arms, and just listen to His gentle voice. I hear Him say the most amazing things: I'm proud of you; I love you just as you are; I'm everything you need; your obedience pleases me; I delight in you; Stay with me and just rest. Other times I receive a challenge: Go to your neighbor who needs a listening ear; Call so and so; Love your husband and your child - really love them; Keep moving ahead; Fear not, trust me! After those times, I always wonder why I don't stop and just listen more often. My soul is refreshed and my confidence is renewed.
A couple days ago, my neighbor friend was asking me why we were going to India - "Aren't they OK on their own? They have a religion they are happy with and they have a pretty good way of life going - in some ways better than our own. Aren't you just gonna mess that up, bringing your religion and culture?" I did my best to explain that we weren't going there to change their religion and culture, just to bring Hope and Love to those who have none. It was an interesting exchange and the questions didn't surprise me, but she was the first to actually question our motives. And even though I wasn't surprised, it did sting just a bit, having my motives questioned. That afternoon when I was laying on my couch, imagining myself in the Father's arms, He reminded me of the life of Jesus. How Christ was constantly questioned by the people around him. "What good can come from Nazareth??"; "Whose authority are you using - God's or Satan's?"; "What are you trying to do?". Obviously my friend's questions pale in comparison. I wondered where Jesus's confidence came from. Jesus was always able to answer, "I always/only do what the Father tells me."
The Father reminded me of the very intimate times Jesus spent with Him each and every morning before dawn, away in a quiet place. Jesus's confidence came from the same source that my confidence must come from: the Father. The truth of the matter is, the only reason that we are going to India is because we know that God is asking us to go. And that is all the confidence I need to move ahead.
I guess this is what I'm trying to get at. Jesus always knew what the Father's will was, because He spent intimate time with the Father each morning. Throughout the day, Jesus drew upon this intimacy with confidence to do amazing things - healed the sick, taught new truths to hardened hearts, discerned where he should and should not go, and ultimately faced death on a cross. He suffered criticism, shame, rejection, and was denied by His closest friends. But He always pressed on, knowing the mission His Father gave Him and His Father's delight in Him.
What is it that I need, that we all need, to carry on Jesus' kingdom work wherever we are? What is it that we need to obey God in full trust? What do we need to do amazing things that bring glory to the Father? Where does the confidence we need come from? It's pretty simple - intimacy with the Father. All else flows from there.
Father, fix my heart and my hope on You. Amen.
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